"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
