I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
