This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
