I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
