he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
