I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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