You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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