i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
