smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day šš#pensacolaproblems
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Donāt listen to me, Iām walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting āyeeeeaaahhhhhhā
Randomize