just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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