They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
