Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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