She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
