Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
