Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in

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(760): View more from California

Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.

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(847): View more from Illinois

then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter

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(352): View more from Florida

Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY

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(319): View more from Iowa

She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.

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