Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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