hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
