Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
