I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
No I am not eating basil off your cock
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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