I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
