I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
