I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
