Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
