he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My ass is underappreciated
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize