If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Im part way to drunk.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
