you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
