i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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