Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This baby is an asshole
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
