yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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