is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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