your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
