my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
