God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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