member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
