My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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