how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize