who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
