Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
