I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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