Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
