Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
