Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
