I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
