i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just got carded by a ten year old.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
