I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize