her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Randomize
