the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
