it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
