from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
