The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
