So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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