I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
