you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
