Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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