there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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