They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
