Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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