that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
