Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
