I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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