I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my being single is dangerous.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
