I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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