Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Blood and glitter go together right?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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