took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
