I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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